This morning I had some errands to run and purchasing cat litter at Costco was on the list.  You can buy a 42 lb. bag of litter for $11.49 – now that’s a bargain!

While navigating through the store, on the way to the litter, I saw someone preparing a food sample, so I went to check it out.  She was preparing brie cheese on a cracker, so as I took one, I politely asked her how she was doing.

She replied, “Good, but for the grace of God good.”

“Oh.” I replied.

She then asked, “Do you know why I said, but for the grace of God, good?”

(I should preface the following conversation by stating, as I travel through life, I meet the weirdest fucking people – there must be something wrong inside of me, as they gravitate towards me.)

I should have said, “yes.”

“No.”

“Well, when I was 14 I had a large tumor in my brain and the doctors could only remove some of it.  They were convinced that I wouldn’t see my 15th birthday.  My parents asked our church to pray for me.  So, one night, about a week later, I dreamt I had tennis shoes on and was running somewhere.  When I woke up, I ran into my sister’s room and told her about my dream, to which she replied, “you don’t own tennis shoes.”  I went back to the doctor for a follow up appointment a few days later and the tumor was gone.  And now, I’m about to celebrate my 51st birthday next week.  So, but for the grace of God, I’m here today.”

“Oh.”

As she spoke, I was trapped in the crazy beams.  I couldn’t move.  Finally, as other customers walked up to get a cracker, I was able to break free from the tractor beams and slowly creep away.  I heard her angrily complain that everyone was taking a cracker, but no one was buying.

While I wanted to say to her, I’m thrilled Jesus kept her alive to serve me brie and crackers, I’d have been content with someone else too.

That bitch b crazy as a snake.