Is there an unwanted child in your life?  Consider giving recently acquitted Casey Anthony a call.

Following the Not Guilty verdict pronounced in the trial of Casey Anthony, there has been much speculation about what comes next for the 25-year-old ex-mother from Florida.  Citing her lack of higher education, questionable choice in men, indeterminate ability to problem solve and frankly dubious parenting skills, one would be right to wonder what she might have to offer in the free market.  Given that she will, in all likelihood, be returning to the mainstream in just a few short days, one can only ask, what will she be doing with herself?

This reporter talked to Casey through the bars of her holding cell from the bushes outside the minimum-security facility in Orlando to find out.

“I’ve always been interested in starting my own business,” Ms. Anthony said, “and I think given the way the trial went, I may have found my calling.”

There can be no doubt that her singular ability to make a child disappear (while avoiding conviction, an important point) might find some niche in the world of teenage mothers and unwanted pregnancies.  “I’ve thought about it a lot since my non-conviction,” she continued, thirty minutes after her non-conviction, “and if I could do it once – for a kid that they actually had reason to suspect me for – why not another kid I had no connection with?  With the right capital and resources, I could start disposing of unwanted children all over the state – maybe even the country.”  Bold words, indeed!

This reporter was intrigued.  Could a business revolving around the disposal of children actually be viable?

“You’d be surprised,” Casey replied nonchalantly.  “I’ve had calls already from friends of mine and desperate mothers across the country that want to know how I got away with it.  But here’s the way I look at it: If you’re good at something, never do it for free.  My preliminary research shows that I can charge at least $2000 for my services – that’s for the basic package, by the way – and I can easily handle no less than three cases a week.”

The basic package includes dropping the body (Casey prefers the term “package”) in an out-of-the-way area where it will remain unfound and undiscovered for at least four months, plenty of time for all evidence to be wiped out by the elements.  During this time, Casey encourages her prospective clients to “act upset”.  “It would have made things a LOT easier for me in my own experience, but you live and learn,” she noted.  Of course, the deluxe package includes the framing of family members and innocent passersby, while the premium package also includes sending a legal team to discredit local law enforcement.  Prices available upon request.

Will she succeed?  Only time will tell.  But with the unbridled passion of her youth, her heart of stone, and let’s not forget her simply diabolical ability to lie on the spot and stick to it, one can only imagine that the sky is the limit for this young entrepreneur.  Casey’s story reminds this reporter that there is still ingenuity out there, and shows us all that if you have the drive, the desire, and the unmitigated ability to turn your back on all that’s human and decent, you can definitely carve out a niche for yourself in the world of business.

**Author’s note: While I never actually spoke to Ms. Anthony, I feel sure that if I had it probably might have happened exactly like this.  Incidentally, it turns out she will be released into the wild on my birthday.  Best present ever!